Love Is All Ya Need.

For a Valentine's Day celebration, I had the wonderful opportunity to "put on" my daughter's kindergarten party. There's nothing like 23 giggly five year-olds overly excited to put you in the spirit. My daughter was absolutely BEAMING. Sitting at her little table, grinning ear to ear, she kept waving to me and her dad. She was so proud and told everyone at her table who we were. The kids were so excited to loot through their valentine mailboxes. A simple candy heart stacking games was a success. Those little, innocent giggles are downright infectious and it was just what I needed. (Cheap prizes make all the difference too!) It was a simple little party that probably made my day more than hers. Later while snugging my daughter in bed, I kissed her little forehead and thanked her for letting me do the party. Her big blue eyes lit up; she asked if I had fun. Of course I did, I tell her. She hugged me tight and said I was the best momma ever. My heart started to melt. Those skinny little arms around my neck just hit the spot. It was the perfect reminder of true, unconditional love. Things aren't perfect. Things are downright tough sometimes, but I wouldn't trade a minute of it.

Well SOMEONE Has Balls... or uh, NERVE!

Well, well, well..... seems I'm a pushover, a softy, an empathetic person.... estupido! It all started as the holiday season was approaching. My ex-husband was griping daily that he was becoming more and more depressed. Our preschool son's announcement that daddy wasn't family because he didn't live in our house seemed to fuel the unhappiness fire. So that helped set the stage for the ex's attitude moving near the holidays. Depending on his stage in cycling through bipolar, this can go one of two ways. Either he is screaming at me for "breaking up" our family, throwing things into the Christmas tree (last year) and being a complete self-obsessed ass or the gloomy blues exact opposite. Think of Eeyore... oh me, oh my... life is soooo bad. I just want my family back. They are all that matters now.... (He forgets he chose to sneak around with a woman... no, not a woman.... a girl for over a year while I was pregnant with our 2nd child and my Mom was dying. Something as you may notice, I do NOT forget.)

Anyway, so this year it's Eeyore... life is horrible and even my son doesn't love me. So what do I do? I "extend" just a little, small, smidgen. I tell him he can sleep on the couch Christmas Eve to not miss the magic of Christmas morning. That's uneventful primarily due to him sleeping through the night and I had the honor of assembling toys in peace. Then Christmas night, I had to work. The kids have a living room FULL of new toys, and I won't be here anyway so let them (with him) stay here and play.... right???? WRONG! After being awake for over 24 hours, I come home from work that morning exhausted, ready to change my clothes and climb in bed. It's all I think about as I head towards my bedroom- whew! I made it through the busy day of Christmas then worked nearly 14 hours. As I step in to my bedroom, I pause at first in disbelief. Spread out across my bed with only boxers on, his boys hanging out and all, HE IS SLEEPING IN MY BED AND NEARLY NAKED. Get up! Get up! HEY, wake up! Get out of my bed! NOW! All I can think is crap, now I have to wash my sheets again.

See, this is a huge boundary issue for me and a major no-no for him. Remember the post of loving my new bed and mattress set? It goes along with the being a grown up, letting go of that ugly past... which is laying on my NEW outlook, MY space, NEW as in not for you. As in why the hell are you hanging out of your boxers anyway when our 5 yr old daughter and 4 yr old son are in this house?? As in GET OUT OF MY ROOM!! Geez, the nerve of him! Ya give an inch.....