Time, Time, Time!!!

I've had about 15 blog stories floating in my head for the past month but haven't found a way to put them to words. Like lyrics to a song, tempo is everything. One minute I'm ecstatic and the next, well not so much. It's amazing how one thing can make you happy and give heartache all at the same time. I wrestle feelings all the time. I blow things off I shouldn't then focus on moments in time that are irrelevant to my day.

Is life always this hard? Shouldn't things get easier at some point?!? I spend SO much time playing peacekeeper in one part of my life, that I am essentially dropping out of other parts. I do realize this is all quite general. I dread putting to words things I feel or think as it will force me to face true reality. I'm working through this.... and took a "good for me" step today by laying it out there in the neverending open for a friend to see. When my Mom passed, I told myself to never hold back, to always go with what you feel. Yet, I sit and wait and watch and listen and reflect. I thought I would always look forward, never looking back and yet, I find what's behind made me. And 99.8% of the time I've got it together. It's that pesky 0.2% that throws me. I'm waiting for the "full circle" to kick back in so I can be meeeee again. No regrets, no regrets, no regrets I tell myself.... and I usually believe. It's a difficult thing, this process of showing vulnerability. It's much easier to keep it all undercover and protected but that also means holding yourself back and I'm over that. I guess full circle isn't what I need in the end. It only gets you back to the point where things still weren't working.