KIDS!!

My dear, sweet, ever-so-loving little boy was sitting at the kitchen counter this evening. His 5 yr old chin so delicately resting on his hand when he inquisitively asked: "Mom are you fat?"

I looked up ever-so-shocked and retorted, "No, I'm not fat! Why would you ask me that?"

And he responded ever-so-matter-of-factly, "Well, you don't LOOK fat but your butt sure is getting bigger. Haha." (And yes, he actually said "Haha" instead of laughing.)

And I ever-so-stated, "Go to your room.... And stop looking at mommy's behind."

I Am Thankful For....

Last year, I posted this as a status on Facebook:

MB... is thankful for all those little things I take for granted- C's sloppy little kisses when he thinks I'm asleep, attack hugs from J when she wants to wrestle, my dog's endless loyalty... even when I forget to feed her, the garage door opener on rainy days, hot water, out of the dryer blankets, drive thru liquor stores..... Kidding, but you get the picture! Look around, we all have SO much to be thankful for!

Wasn't that sweet?? It's wonderful that we each continue to grow and evolve. I would now like to update my thankful thoughts for 2010. Here goes:

MB... is thankful for stretch fabric, "one too many" beer nights, 7:30 bedtimes for kids, "He's Just Not That Into You" (a must watch for the single woman), jet bubble baths with a People Mag, NAIR, sending a direct message to the caller when I hit the "F you" button on my cell, baseball hats for bad hair days, again- drive thru liquor stores for various necessities, having enough self control to not recreate and improve episodes of "Snapped," doubling up on birth control, and being a single independent woman learning to not give a flying fuck what others think- even during my trippy moments. If you love me, you gotta love ALL of me.  

*Writer's note: Of course I'm FOREVER thankful for my children, friends and family that sing to the music for the dance of my life..... even when I forget the steps.

Shorthand Jive

WTF? IKR? STFU! OC! BTW! SMH! LOL! LMAO! ROTFLMFAO!

Ahhhh, gotta love shorthand in an era where we don't have even an extra moment to spell out what we're thinking....  and THAT got me to thinking. LMAO.... Laugh my ass off for anyone that hasn't paid a nick of attention to the last decade. I'm sorry but no matter how hard I laugh, da booty is still there. Walking on lunch with boom boom pow friend, we often have one too many hardy laughs which requires stopping, regaining composure and roping the bladder back to safety as well. One of us will invariably cross our legs to assist in the latter. A male coworker thinks we should wear Depends and just can't understand the delicate nature of a post-birthing bladder.

Hear Ye, Hear Ye...... LMAO will no longer suffice and shall immediately be replaced by a more suited HTCML.... "Had To Cross My Legs." I'm certain it's more spot-on than suggesting a giggle can make fat cells fly off one's posterior.

Flirting 101.... FAIL!

Sooooo, I'm browsing around a local department store. Not really shopping, just enjoying peaceful time alone. Wearing my favorite yoga pants and U of L shirt, I find myself in the shoe aisle. HEELS!! I love 'em but just can't afford anything extra at this time. And to be honest, they don't exactly go fabulously with my normal day to day life. ANYWAY, so there I was, hair in a loose messy ponytail, minimal make-up on, prancing back and forth in 3 inch heels (kick ass ones at that) and my slightly faded cotton/poly/spandex blend "gym outfit" when I could feel someone looking at me. I glanced up just as the eyes were looking away. Oooh, he's handsome, clean cut... and TALL (HUGE bonus for me.) I look back down focusing on my attire wishing I had bothered to put on more makeup today. As he walks by, I feel him looking at me again as I pretend to fully inspect the heels. Look up, look up, look up I tell myself but still can't! That gorgeous man struts by one last time some 10 minutes later while I scrupulously inspect a random purse and only looking up once it's quite safe to watch him walk away. 

I kick myself. I have NO game whatsoever. I'm 36 years old, I've birthed babies, I'm responsible for people's lives in my job, and I couldn't even look up and smile. Didn't realize I was back in 7th grade... only I DID talk to boys rather easily then. Now I'm just a NERD!

Maybe I should check this book out !

One liner

Entertaining reminder of pure "blessfulness" that my furniture doesn't reek:

"That's how it goes," Jess said wistfully. "You marry the man of your dreams and a couple of years later you find yourself living with a sofa that farts."

From the book, Apocalipstick by Sue Margolis

Note to Self....

I have an entire bathroom drawer jammed full of lotions and smell goods rarely used. I decided it was time to exploit their splendid scents even if I share them with no one else for the day. After showering I lotioned up, found the corresponding spray and pssshh, pssshh, pssshh- sprayed it circling around my front side, neck and around and down. Whooooo hooooo hoooo... OH MY!!! Certain freshly shaved areas don't appreciate an alcohol based spray. HOOOOLY mother of pearl, y'ouch!!! I didn't know smelling so good could burn so bad!

Secrets of the House

Prepare for the random:

Shave anywhere you want with hair conditioner. Skip expensive shaving creams/gels and the like. Wonderfully great, smooth results and a lot cheaper.

I am a huge fan of Suave's "works as well as Matrix" Sleek Conditioner for shaving AND deep conditioning hair. I love it so much, here's a pic. Go ahead and buy the big bottle. Wash and towel dry hair, glob Sleek in, loosely pile it and cover with a shower cap. Then LEAVE IT for an hour or two. Seriously. You will be amazed.

Bring back the not-so-energy efficient dishwasher. Seriously. My mid-priced dishwasher sucks and it's just too new to replace. I have to rinse clean dishes otherwise food will remain- and be baked on. The powder cleanser works better than liquid, but still. I want the "too hot to touch" glasses and plates back. I have better things to do than dishes.

Old sterilized toothbrushes work perfect for cleaning bathtub jets. Scrub, scrub, scrub what you can see from the outside, then fill the bath up, add some of the above dishwasher powder and turn 'em on. Cleans from the inside out.

I use my kid's shoe boxes to organize drawers. They are perfect dividers for ponytail holders, nail polish, kid socks, etc. No reason to go buy new plastic dividers when these are free!

On that note, I use old baby wipe containers for a myriad of things: one holds crayons, another- batteries of all sizes, another- puzzles to keep the pieces together. The possibilities are endless.

Today is January 25th. I finally threw out the Halloween candy. Scary stuff. No worries, the chocolate has been gone for months. Yeah, I'm definitely "On It." =)

Her Randomness

A Girl Should Be Two Things:

Classy and Fabulous.

~From Coco Chanel herself.

But reminds me distinctly of Audrey .


Welcome to my restless and rambling stage. Here's a sampling of trivial things that keep my mind ping ponging.

One of my favorite sayings:
I used to wear my heart on my sleeve, but now I go topless. Well, that just threw "classy" out the window.... but isn't it fabulous?!?!? I've been told a time or two lately that I'm heartless. Not that at all, it's just well protected these days!

Do men have a "nesting" period?? I've witnessed this with a few single, male friends. It happens at 2 different stages- on the brink of turning 40 and as winter approaches. Bizarre behavior... reminds me of watching a squirrel gather nuts. Maybe it's their revelation that their self-created life is a little chilly. Here, they toy with the idea of having a +1. Wonder if it's lasting or just a momentary crisis. Just looking for an explanation.....

I admantly say I will never be swept off my feet- too much of a realist now. Doesn't happen, fantasy world! But deep down, it would be nice to have the RIGHT equally madly "in like" with me man come take me away. So, how can Prince Charming ride to my rescue if I knock him down before he even mounts his horse? ... and I wonder if the horse would mind having 2 child car seats strapped to the sides....

We are all a work in progress. It's good to pause occasionally to check where your arrow is pointing. Turns out, my compass needed adjustment. Note to self: "Settling" is not an option.

Definition of assertive: confidently aggressive or self-assured; positive: aggressive; dogmatic
Hmm, surprising.. tilts to the negative... Sorry dictionary.com but assertive is NOT aggressive. Regardless, it's my new self help topic. I talk to myself about it and it helps!!

Why do people think all nurses want to marry a doctor? Many have innocently asked if I know any doctors to date. Umm, no. You won't find me at the nurse's station in my little white- just barely covering my ass- dress waiting to flirt with a doc. Rather, you're likely to find poo on my pants from a patient's colonoscopy prep and griping about what a jerk some MD was when I had to call him at 3 am.* Working my unit is more like being a contestant on Fear Factor than a speed dating participant.
*This statement does exclude my dear friend Krishna who is nothing less than a perfect physician and dear spouse of my best friend.

My spinning wheels have officially went down the toilet. Coming soon: Peace, love, and shimmies!