I love technology. I love that I can keep up with friends through social networking sites. I can shoot someone a text message or plan a day without ever talking. I can go online and change a dental appointment, pay a bill, change my cable services, watch a movie, the list goes on! What I didn't expect was the "snooper/stalker" aspect of this wonderful technology. Let's refer to this as "Secret Agent" it sounds MUCH nicer since I'm the one peaking.... and makes it more acceptable in the wild depths of my mind.
You may remember my tall, handsome player. He has been a troublesome spot. Why is that?? Because I LET him be, because I listened when he "really wanted to change his life, he really wanted to be THAT person, he wanted me to understand." And then after a few weeks, he was gone again. SURPRISE!! Yeah, well he is permanently affixed in the "Guy category" so I just *thought* he wanted to be that MAN. So I, annoyed again, left a voice mail informing him I was done.. for good. And that was that. He'd text on occasion throughout the holidays... I ignored. Fight the power girl! Behind those dark eyes is a guy that only knows one thing- THE DAMN GAME. He called- I sent it to voicemail... then played his message until it was permanently embedded. Oh girl, FIGHT THE POWER. Seriously, get a grip.
After a bit, curiosity killed me. What could he possibly say this time to hook me? So I called. Hmmm... voicemail. I waited a day then sent one of his signature "Hey" texts. Hmmm, no response. Crap! Now HE has the upper hand... it was mine and I gave it away!! WHY did I respond?? Nosey girl got to thinking... On a whim, I typed his name onto a friend site and guess what- there he was. Oh time to investigate, donning imaginary sunglasses and trench coat, it looked as if he started out rounding up his girls.... almost all girls. A little flirty comment here, a little thumbs up there. Interesting, he knows I'm on this site... maybe he didn't want me to see his play-by-play. Playa really needs to make his page private! Wait, what's this? Well that statement is out of character, hmmm. The secret agent session just shocked me. First, he was more of a man-whore than I ever realized and second and the most stunning, he is now in love. Honestly, for real in love.. something he's never been in his life. I know his game inside and out and his recent posts are so far out of bounds, that it must be love. I wanted to puke. It made me crazy for a moment. It made me obsess on why he was contacting me if he already had someone. I wanted to call him up and yell for trying to drag me back into his game.. a game in which he quit, at least for the moment.
Then I realized something.... he met her while I pondered my next move or if I was even going to make one. I had just assumed he would always be there. I've known in the past that there have been others between our like/hate relationship, but now here is PROOF... and the newest has a face. Snooping has actually been good for me. I realize now it's something I couldn't help him feel. He needs to know what love is, how love can hurt, how love can be so incredibly exhilarating. He needs to know what it feels like to love someone and how to treat them with sincere, honest feelings. It will make him a better person. It will open his eyes to a world I couldn't show him. I hope she breaks his heart. Hey, I am still human. =)
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