Her Randomness

A Girl Should Be Two Things:

Classy and Fabulous.

~From Coco Chanel herself.

But reminds me distinctly of Audrey .


Welcome to my restless and rambling stage. Here's a sampling of trivial things that keep my mind ping ponging.

One of my favorite sayings:
I used to wear my heart on my sleeve, but now I go topless. Well, that just threw "classy" out the window.... but isn't it fabulous?!?!? I've been told a time or two lately that I'm heartless. Not that at all, it's just well protected these days!

Do men have a "nesting" period?? I've witnessed this with a few single, male friends. It happens at 2 different stages- on the brink of turning 40 and as winter approaches. Bizarre behavior... reminds me of watching a squirrel gather nuts. Maybe it's their revelation that their self-created life is a little chilly. Here, they toy with the idea of having a +1. Wonder if it's lasting or just a momentary crisis. Just looking for an explanation.....

I admantly say I will never be swept off my feet- too much of a realist now. Doesn't happen, fantasy world! But deep down, it would be nice to have the RIGHT equally madly "in like" with me man come take me away. So, how can Prince Charming ride to my rescue if I knock him down before he even mounts his horse? ... and I wonder if the horse would mind having 2 child car seats strapped to the sides....

We are all a work in progress. It's good to pause occasionally to check where your arrow is pointing. Turns out, my compass needed adjustment. Note to self: "Settling" is not an option.

Definition of assertive: confidently aggressive or self-assured; positive: aggressive; dogmatic
Hmm, surprising.. tilts to the negative... Sorry dictionary.com but assertive is NOT aggressive. Regardless, it's my new self help topic. I talk to myself about it and it helps!!

Why do people think all nurses want to marry a doctor? Many have innocently asked if I know any doctors to date. Umm, no. You won't find me at the nurse's station in my little white- just barely covering my ass- dress waiting to flirt with a doc. Rather, you're likely to find poo on my pants from a patient's colonoscopy prep and griping about what a jerk some MD was when I had to call him at 3 am.* Working my unit is more like being a contestant on Fear Factor than a speed dating participant.
*This statement does exclude my dear friend Krishna who is nothing less than a perfect physician and dear spouse of my best friend.

My spinning wheels have officially went down the toilet. Coming soon: Peace, love, and shimmies!

Different Kinda Blues

The Blue Jean Count Breakdown

15 Pair owned and scrutinized

-1 Permanently retired for being a style failure

-2 Can't be coerced over my childbearing hips

-3 Even a ponytail holder won't bridge the button to its hole

-2 Buttoned! But breathless with one grande muffin top

-3 So tight the pocket seams show. Eating is not an option.

-1 Bootylicious but create a "front butt" too

And then there were 3.......

-1 Only worn with HIGH heels because of length

-1 Fit great but so low rise I'm the resident plumber when bending, sitting, exiting a car...

And so one last, lonely worn out pair that "will work"... for now. I've been on the hunt for more but have decided I would rather go to the dentist and gynecologist back-to-back than torture myself again. Searched half the day and still left denim-free.

Ahhh, gaining a few curves= pricey!!!!

Skreeeech! Hold up! Wait a minute! It's Fall??

I'm a summer girl- sunshine, swimming, beaches, the SMELL of suntan oil- love it all. Warm months go by too quickly. Then it's time to cool down. At first, I tried to ignore fall and continued wearing flip flops. After inspecting purple toes, I have succumbed to this change too. I mean, it only happens EVERY year.

I pulled out our Halloween decorations, cluttered the house with pumpkins and such, then sat back waiting to get excited. The kids loved it. They had orange and purple lights strung all over the place. Their giggly chatter TOLD me this would be fun, but still, ugh....

Years ago, Mom and I were driving down Hwy 31 when she remarked how beautiful the changing trees were in the fall. Soon it will be time for campfires, pots of chili, vegetable soup, Angel biscuits, she went on. Fall is such a welcome sight for many, but I find it depressing. Beautiful leaves, pumpkins, Mums, it's all a reminder of what's on our doorstep. Soon trees will be naked, the sky will be gray, and we will stay in rather than getting bundled up just to stay indoors somewhere else.

The day after Thanksgiving 2006 is earmarked one of the worst days of my life. I unexpectedly found I was not the only woman in my husband's life. I felt so incredibly foolish. My Mom had just passed, I was physically and emotionally exhausted then this bomb exploded shredding my already dwindling family. The betrayal, lies, disrespect, it was already too much and still, just the beginning. I had to make some tough, gut wrenching decisions then. I never wanted to be a single parent, for my kids to be shuttled between relatives and friends, I never wanted to have one person knowingly give me this much pain. I never wanted to be alone. All those exhausting, sad, empty moments have been chainlinked to Fall and Winter in my mind. I've created that association and found it's difficult to break.

Last week, I was driving down Hwy 111 pondering how quickly we were "going through" Fall. I want my kids to appreciate the wonder of mother nature and the transitions all around us. I pointed to the cluster of trees, recalling my Mom's enthusiasm. Adding some of my own, I said "Look at all those beautiful colors!" My kids eagerly began describing the hues of the leaves delicately dangling from the branches. Magic! Their thoughts exploded- pumpkin carving, trick or treating, making Halloween cookies, all the traditions I have created for us. Their excitement was infectious. Mom, can we make candy apples?? Mom, can we paint faces on our pumpkins? Mom, can I put a ghost up in my room? Mom, do can we get our costumes soon? Mom, if the ghost in my room. is scary... can I put it in yours?? Yes, yes, yes, yes and yes!!!

Maybe someday I will genuinely look forward to fall and what's on its heels. And maybe someday winter won't seem so cold and lonely. Until then, I'm looking at the next few months through my children's eyes as if I'm seeing it anew. I'm still just a summer girl, I wear my flip flops (and now fuzzy socks) but hey this life is not all about me now is it??

*Photo by Lori Hamm Tate