Being a REAL Woman and Single Mom Means....

.....you can't remember it ALL all the time. I went for my annual exam, stripped down and threw on the gown. I  fear my gynecologist will open the door as I'm standing stark naked for the office to see. Seriously, who cares! She delivered my first baby, she's seen it all and will again in a few minutes. But anyway, I hop up on the table actually enjoying a few minutes of quiet. I laugh looking at myself in a hospital gown and socks until I realize.... I have on two different socks. As I go to yank them off in a not so discreet fashion, the doctor walks in. It was perfect timing to find me in a most bizarre position, alone and naked. I explain, she laughs, and it's on about the business. As I get dressed, another revelation occurs. Seems I should pay more attention to other things too. I went to the tanning bed a few days prior in an attempt to erase fifteen tan lines. I burnt myself just a smidgen in areas that NEVER see sunlight... and it was now peeling and flaky..... I'm glad I usually only see her once a year.

*Last week, my cousin blogged about her hair ornament and her gyno visit. I chuckled.... paybacks!

All In A Name

Do you ever need to have a private discussion in a not-so secluded location? It's not necessarily the subject but rather "who's who" of the chatter. I was clearing out texts and chuckled at the perfectly conceptualized nicknames created or earned by various people in... or out of my life. EX used to be quite the snooper (remember boundary issues?) and I originally did this to blanket protection for myself as well as friends. Sounds like the beginning of a CrimeStoppers show, huh? Names have been changed to protect the identity of those involved. Just to share:

Advisor- One fantastic gf that listens to issues and dishes advice as needed. We're all over the board too- makeup, clothing, music. She's younger and gives me a healthy spin on occasion.

Diva- This woman and I think so much alike it's scary. We make similar choices in the love area (so we are both wrong!) that we'll never run out of things to banter. The big difference- she is much more diva fabulous than I. She keeps the whole package up- the hair, the nails, the clothes. And she ALWAYS looks pulled together. Me? Not so much.

Hot Date- A gf that loves to go out and have a good time. We're on the same wave so it works. Her nm was born when EX pickpocketed my cell. It is certainly none of his business to know a bit about my friends, male or female so let him conclude what he wants. Besides, she's gorgeous and IS my hot date for night's out and would be for a guy too if she weren't married. Love her husband by the way, he's "Rusty Balls" but that's a COMPLETELY different story and not what you would think, sorta.

Train- Ex-bf of mine that was a train conductor. Simple nickname for a simple kinda man. He's so sweet but a bit too country. 

Superman- His name was Clark. That's it. I never ended up going out with him. EX saw this on my phone and wouldn't let our son watch Superman or play with those toys for a good 2 months. I'm not joking.

Mitchell- Seems one friend couldn't remember his name, but rather his podunk hometown. Really it should have been: Possessive, Aggressive, Chopperhead, something along those lines. 

Psych- The family therapist I keep saying I'll go out with. He's nice enough, attractive enough, but eh... not quite sure. He asks, I say yes we need to get together, but well... I worry that I'll be the lead subject in a psychoanalysis book "Days and Nights of a Crazy Lady and Her Psychodrama: A Melodrama"  instead of a dinner companion. Even disregarding human nature, his career is to analyze people and their situations and I could keep this man busy for YEARS. This could go really, really bad.

Big, Playa, Deek, Thug- Yes, all those names collared by one. He started as Big- very tall and just as emotionally unavailable as SATC's Big. Then to Playa as he loves the dating game (see Game Over entry). Then edited to Deek and only because I'm a lady and can't openly call a guy a penis. And alas, Thug. Let's just say his arrest record surprised me.... even after he forewarned me of his murky past. Seems he encompasses the last few months as "the past" as well. Pending issues. 

Blue- Just met Blue this past weekend. This nickname took a great deal of consideration. His shirt was blue. Yeah, real soul searching although his nm should be Baby Blue... He's 6 years my junior and that's a huge sticking point but more because he has no kids, never been married.. items I've checked off my "To Do" list and WILL NOT be adding them back. He's cute, super nice and must give it a shot if he STILL wants to go out after Diva and I got him thrown out of a bar with us. Talked for two hours tonight. Will reserve it for a future blog when I know more. 

There's more. Just look at someone and an imaginary bubble sporting a nickname will fluff over their head. Try to be nice too. You don't want to sound to horribly cynical. I learned this after nicknaming someone Fatty-  eh, still rude even if there was truth.. and a story behind it. Imposter would have been more fitting. There's JSwagga, TT (aka Tall Trooper), OMG- perfect, Zele aka Detroit, Roc, Army (guess who from previous blogs), then names given to other friend's men- Divo, Commish, Player (not to be confused with Playa), Rehab, 12, her Army. You get the picture. Set up shop in the middle of a crowded place and have a full discussion with your advisors, divas, and hot dates worry free. I like it.

Favorite Saying

In the endless chatter between myself and Diva Cousin, a new motto for the male drama we share spewed from my lips. Here goes it:

Man UP or Boy OFF!!

Must say, I'm kind of feeling it. Would love to say it to a particular guy. Notice there's no room  for a GUY. Either be a MAN or return to your juvenile adolescence to be clearly tagged BOY and marked off my list... please. Save me some time. Thank you, that's all for now.