Woman Puhlease!

It's a snowy day on my patch of the world. It's not overly burdensome- from a few to several inches depending which direction you drive. While working through the night, I watched the snow start, climax, and flurry off. As dayshift nurses arrived, I heard a repeating theme- "my husband/dad/brother had to bring me because the roads were so bad." Ummm, why can't we get our own petutties through the snow? I pondered this as I hightailed it home at a riproaring 35 miles per hour. I mean, I once spent time convincing EX to chauffeur me and yet, I was the better driver. Did I not want to be alone, did I feel more protected, did I just not want the blame if I wrecked MY car??? Alas, being single again forces you to get over it real quick and offers a private chuckle to past driving miss Daisy moments.

To help snub the fear, here's a short list of events one may do that is much more daring than wheelin' through the white stuff.

If you can tweeze your eyebrows, you can drive in snow.
If you can birth a baby, you can drive in snow.
If you can dance in high heels, you can drive in snow.
If you can trim your dog's nails, you can drive in snow.
If you can balance your checkbook, you can drive in snow.
If you can unclog an overused toilet, you can drive in snow.
If you can handle sand in your swimsuit, you can drive in snow.
If you can deal with being waxed, you can drive in snow.
If you can pull out splinters, you can drive in the snow.
If you can take care of everyone else when you're damn near your death bed, you can drive in snow.
If you can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan, you can drive in snow!!!

Ooookay, you get my "drift." Don't be so nervous. So what if you spin a little... it's kind of fun to "let loose." You, woman, can do anything so gas it up and go!

Secrets of the House

Prepare for the random:

Shave anywhere you want with hair conditioner. Skip expensive shaving creams/gels and the like. Wonderfully great, smooth results and a lot cheaper.

I am a huge fan of Suave's "works as well as Matrix" Sleek Conditioner for shaving AND deep conditioning hair. I love it so much, here's a pic. Go ahead and buy the big bottle. Wash and towel dry hair, glob Sleek in, loosely pile it and cover with a shower cap. Then LEAVE IT for an hour or two. Seriously. You will be amazed.

Bring back the not-so-energy efficient dishwasher. Seriously. My mid-priced dishwasher sucks and it's just too new to replace. I have to rinse clean dishes otherwise food will remain- and be baked on. The powder cleanser works better than liquid, but still. I want the "too hot to touch" glasses and plates back. I have better things to do than dishes.

Old sterilized toothbrushes work perfect for cleaning bathtub jets. Scrub, scrub, scrub what you can see from the outside, then fill the bath up, add some of the above dishwasher powder and turn 'em on. Cleans from the inside out.

I use my kid's shoe boxes to organize drawers. They are perfect dividers for ponytail holders, nail polish, kid socks, etc. No reason to go buy new plastic dividers when these are free!

On that note, I use old baby wipe containers for a myriad of things: one holds crayons, another- batteries of all sizes, another- puzzles to keep the pieces together. The possibilities are endless.

Today is January 25th. I finally threw out the Halloween candy. Scary stuff. No worries, the chocolate has been gone for months. Yeah, I'm definitely "On It." =)

boys... Guys..... MEN

Okay, this is how I see it. The male species can be found in one of three simple categories. Really, it's that easy peasy. I've met several- of each- during my few years of freedom. After mentally reviewing those I've met, I came to the realization I had never noticed such a difference before. Perhaps it's because I was "a girl" when I exited the dating scene. Now, smack dab in the middle of my 30's, it didn't take long to tag a male as either: a carefree boy, fun loving guy, or manly man. The only question a single woman needs to ask is this: what do you want from a guy?

Here we go:

boys-

Tried and true.... boys will be boys. It's not their looks but personality. You may find a boy at his momma's house on Sunday so she can launder and press his clothes while he is devouring a home-cooked meal and catching the game on TV with pops. If you're a girl, it's not that far off from your own experiences. If you're a woman, leave 'em alone. They have entirely too much growing to do and have much to learn about the world beyond momma's apron strings. They have nonspecific careers and don't hesitate to move from one meaningless job to the next. Expect momma to be the one ordering your flowers on Valentine's Day because he didn't wake up in time. This is not about age, but rather maturity. I've met enough "older boys" to learn it's best to walk before you catch yourself doing his dishes..

Guys-

Guys are fun. Period. They love hanging out. They can be found faithfully on Sunday afternoons shooting hoops, catching a game, in the garage with buddies salivating over their newest high speed machines, or the like. Hot guys tend to have great pickup lines, killer smiles, and it's game on when they are interested. Guys often have decent jobs, some even appear quite professional and that only adds to the attraction. Dates are spontaneous with this type. Here intuition is key. A guy isn't necessarily interested in calming down. Many guys have bachelor characteristics and don't always have deep roots planted for future growth. I married a guy. I divorced a guy. I dated the "how ya doin guy." I tend to be attracted to guys then surprisingly annoyed with the results. Guys can be energetic, edge-of-your seat exciting, and two minutes later- incredibly frustrating. They don't "grow up" past a certain point. These tend to "get by" in life and may do it rather well. But they don't seek more. Future stability is not their primary concern as they "live in the moment." Don't mess with a guy unless you've got your game face on.... and had a good night's sleep.

MEN-

Ahhh, the manly man. Strong, secure, they've got it together and are confident in their choices. Men tend to be in authority or admired careers. They know and actually contribute to their retirement. They own houses. They make people proud. You feel secure with a man. No game here, you know when they are serious. So what's the catch? Men don't always bring the excitement a woman needs from time to time. They are considerate and predictable and stable and strong. I'm not saying they are scrooges by any means, but you know when they close their eyes at night, they will be exactly the same in morning's light. They need women to poke the logs to keep the flames from smoldering out.

The way I see it, everything is a trade-off. Once I started dating, I had to ask a few questions and those in my position should too: Do you want to take care of someone? Do you want surprises and nothing too serious? Do you want excitement and thrill? Do you want the future planner? The strong type? To have comfort in security and stability? So here I sit, stuck between guys and men..... Each with pros and cons and with particularly attractive characteristics. I have yet to meet one with the perfect combo. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's because I've been stuck in the "guy" department. Maybe I want the security of a man with the excitement of a guy. Maybe he's out there, maybe not. We'll see.

SATC Time Out

Every moment of my life is for real baby.
~Big

Going With THE Flo

Kiss my grits! Yep, I said it and no, no, no.. not to you, but to the 5000 thoughts bouncing in my head, to the ex-husband that needs to review the definition of divorce, to the ex-boyfriend that now "needs to talk" when he didn't feel so compelled when we were dating, to the "friend" that retorted I must be too good since I don't want "to go out" (and really, why do we say "go out"... Another blog..), to having a heart that hurts for someone I'm not going to be with, to working my entire weekend away. Yeah, it's just a KISS IT kind of day. Gotta love 'em....

Footprint Friends and an Unexpected Wordy Shout Out

After thinking about my Other Half, I've pondered several of my female relationships. Through various stages, I've met some incredible women. We are naturally social. It's not always intentional or with purpose, but we are. We crave closeness and connections men can't possibly understand and have a harder time filling. Have you ever left a job and only remorseful that you won't see certain people? Have you ever wondered what life would be like without certain friends? Have you ever reflected on your friendships?

The answers are quite simple for me. The women of my family created perfect examples of poise, grace, friendship, sisterhood, love, and the value of a bond. My short little grandma passed secrets to my mom on stirring pots of homemade goodness that not only filled our stomachs but our hearts as well. And many years later, the women in my family created our ever-growing group known as DOMML, Daughters of Mary Murphy Longest, my grandma. We meet, dine and catch up about every 6 weeks. Without it, I wouldn't see some of these women even once a year. But now it's something I eagerly anticipate. It makes me appreciate the dynamic women in my family.... and girrrrl, can they cook! I have a specially unique sister that reminds me more of our Mom everyday. She and I butt heads one moment and share a hug the next. Never underestimate the power of sisters. Though different, our paths aren't too far divided. And I have this incredibly diva cousin that lets me step out of my own head when I've had enough. We share a beer.... and a tear as needed.... pick each other up and keep going. She sends silly messages when I need it most and is the "go-to" woman on a broad range of topics. Both being single, we encourage and understand in ways others may not. It can be a cruel world out there, it's nice to have the right women not only on your side, but in your family!

We all having "passing friendships"- those that last only as long as the need. You may genuinely care for them, meeting at work or school or the like. Once that chapter closes, the friendships tend to dwindle away. Then there are the "subject friendships" where you have something of shared importance with minimal interaction otherwise. It may be as simple as a shared love for a particular band or parents of your children's friends. You like them enough to be spend time with them as long as the shared interest in involved. Then you have the "footprint friendships." These have left a lasting impact. Even if you were to never speak again, they are etched in your heart.

I have a handful of footprint friends and luckily most are still visible on the outside. I had grown away from one in particular through changing times, but she did a remarkable thing that will forever touch my heart. I was standing in the funeral home wishing away the hours during my Mom's visitation. There was a constant blurring stream of people paying their respects, nearly 1000 we later learned. I was drained from the preceding weeks, emotionally spent and in a fog. And there, standing alone in the back, was my footprint friend. I hadn't seen her in YEARS. She fumbled with her keys, apologizing, her eyes completely breaking for me. I was so surprised to see her. I was so happy to see her. I was so thankful to see her. She dusted off our footprints with that one resonating gesture and now we are back at it on a daily basis. We have a history, a mutual understanding, a love of dancing and music and letting loose, a bond that is now just a given in our busy lives. We choose not to judge, but to support, uplift, listen and I keep her close to my heart.

Two other important women very well could have been "passing friendships" but quickly became footprint friends. Our careers brought us together, but shared times and thoughts forged friendships. One is on the quiet side, slightly reserved and incredibly insightful. I may be searching for words, stumbling over statements, unsuccessfully trying to explain what I'm thinking and she quietly listens for a moment..... pauses..... and can explain what I feel in a minute or less. We share the same witty, but sometimes less than ladylike humor... which makes it even better. We respect each other's journey and encourages the other to blaze the trail to the left. She just gets it. I don't know how else to explain her wonderful self. She encourages me to seek happiness, to grab the moment, to never settle. She has nerves of steel and will speak up when others are quiet. She keeps things in perspective. I admire, respect, and learn from her.

Then the other footprint friend makes me laugh when I don't want to, smile when I think I can't, and reminds me I'm not 80 years old. She is going a hundred miles an hour at any given moment, but will skreeech to a halt if she thinks something's wrong. She is bighearted, loves to laugh, brings whimsy to my day with her hot mess, jacked up, boom boom pow friendship. I can say absolutely, 100% any random thing to her and she can run with it and validate my thoughts. She may be telling me I have a wonderfully unique heart that deserves more then stop mid sentence to say I'm looking mighty bootylicious. She just makes me laugh. It seems one of us is always saying what the other is thinking.

Blessed! Lucky! Thankful! For the wonderful footprint friends I mentioned and those I didn't as well. The women that "get it" and have room in their hearts and lives for another woman. I just hope they all know I appreciate and love them. And they are each uniquely fabulous!!!

The Other Half of my Half

I have this friend whom I delightfully refer to as my asexual life mate that I can't live without. And no, I haven't decided to switch teams, but rather to reflect on one of the best, solid, relationships a woman can have- a girlfriend. Mine fills the void in various areas and on any given day she assumes the role of: therapist, surrogate mother to ME, fill-in mom to my children, conscience, style consultant, financial advisor, moral compass, fake spouse, you name it and it's covered. She picks up party supplies I forget, she picks up my kids when I'm in a bind and she picks me up when I need a reality check.

Our friendship started 20+ years ago at a Home Economics table in 7th grade. She, wearing a skirt and I, gleaming with a mouth of metal and both sporting the art of the boof as a hairstyle. Two different upbringings but one strong connection of "getting each other" has transformed us to mid-30's women still laughing and loving our way through this thing called life. I think if we could have peeked at our future and witnessed the trials, tribulations, beginnings and endings, groundings, and moments of sheer insanity our friendship would face, we both may have reacted differently. She would have ran like hell from that table...... and I would have been jotting notes for the beginning chapters of a best seller. It all started so innocently.... okay, now wait. That's a flat out lie. Nothing in our friendship has ever been innocent but they make for great stories we can reminisce about over a nice cocktail every now and again. Oh, the schemes we pulled off, guys we dated, extravagant plans we concocted to do things we had no business doing. I was always in trouble, thanks to her of course. Through it all, we strengthened our soul sister bond to the point of unbreakability.

I suppose not every woman has the girlfriend you can run to in times of euphoric happiness, deep sadness, bad haircuts, boyfriend breakups, acne breakouts, life fiascoes, bad mommy moments, humiliating times you'd hate for anyone else to know. You name it and we've already crossed it off the list. I often tell her that, had it not been for her, I would be living in a trailer park, curlers in my hair, one of my five babies on my hip, a cigarette dangling from hot pink stained lips while waitin' for my no good sumbitch husband to come home from the track...... honestly, I can picture it. But instead, we called and talked, called and listened, called and cried, called and didn't give up. Today, I woke up with the mental tape of our latest conversation running and I realized how far we've come. Sure we've had to drag each other a time or two, but we made it. My asexual life partner will always be one perfect other half to me, even when I'm ready to find that slightly imperfect other half. For that, I'm forever grateful. I love ya Miss!