All In A Name

Do you ever need to have a private discussion in a not-so secluded location? It's not necessarily the subject but rather "who's who" of the chatter. I was clearing out texts and chuckled at the perfectly conceptualized nicknames created or earned by various people in... or out of my life. EX used to be quite the snooper (remember boundary issues?) and I originally did this to blanket protection for myself as well as friends. Sounds like the beginning of a CrimeStoppers show, huh? Names have been changed to protect the identity of those involved. Just to share:

Advisor- One fantastic gf that listens to issues and dishes advice as needed. We're all over the board too- makeup, clothing, music. She's younger and gives me a healthy spin on occasion.

Diva- This woman and I think so much alike it's scary. We make similar choices in the love area (so we are both wrong!) that we'll never run out of things to banter. The big difference- she is much more diva fabulous than I. She keeps the whole package up- the hair, the nails, the clothes. And she ALWAYS looks pulled together. Me? Not so much.

Hot Date- A gf that loves to go out and have a good time. We're on the same wave so it works. Her nm was born when EX pickpocketed my cell. It is certainly none of his business to know a bit about my friends, male or female so let him conclude what he wants. Besides, she's gorgeous and IS my hot date for night's out and would be for a guy too if she weren't married. Love her husband by the way, he's "Rusty Balls" but that's a COMPLETELY different story and not what you would think, sorta.

Train- Ex-bf of mine that was a train conductor. Simple nickname for a simple kinda man. He's so sweet but a bit too country. 

Superman- His name was Clark. That's it. I never ended up going out with him. EX saw this on my phone and wouldn't let our son watch Superman or play with those toys for a good 2 months. I'm not joking.

Mitchell- Seems one friend couldn't remember his name, but rather his podunk hometown. Really it should have been: Possessive, Aggressive, Chopperhead, something along those lines. 

Psych- The family therapist I keep saying I'll go out with. He's nice enough, attractive enough, but eh... not quite sure. He asks, I say yes we need to get together, but well... I worry that I'll be the lead subject in a psychoanalysis book "Days and Nights of a Crazy Lady and Her Psychodrama: A Melodrama"  instead of a dinner companion. Even disregarding human nature, his career is to analyze people and their situations and I could keep this man busy for YEARS. This could go really, really bad.

Big, Playa, Deek, Thug- Yes, all those names collared by one. He started as Big- very tall and just as emotionally unavailable as SATC's Big. Then to Playa as he loves the dating game (see Game Over entry). Then edited to Deek and only because I'm a lady and can't openly call a guy a penis. And alas, Thug. Let's just say his arrest record surprised me.... even after he forewarned me of his murky past. Seems he encompasses the last few months as "the past" as well. Pending issues. 

Blue- Just met Blue this past weekend. This nickname took a great deal of consideration. His shirt was blue. Yeah, real soul searching although his nm should be Baby Blue... He's 6 years my junior and that's a huge sticking point but more because he has no kids, never been married.. items I've checked off my "To Do" list and WILL NOT be adding them back. He's cute, super nice and must give it a shot if he STILL wants to go out after Diva and I got him thrown out of a bar with us. Talked for two hours tonight. Will reserve it for a future blog when I know more. 

There's more. Just look at someone and an imaginary bubble sporting a nickname will fluff over their head. Try to be nice too. You don't want to sound to horribly cynical. I learned this after nicknaming someone Fatty-  eh, still rude even if there was truth.. and a story behind it. Imposter would have been more fitting. There's JSwagga, TT (aka Tall Trooper), OMG- perfect, Zele aka Detroit, Roc, Army (guess who from previous blogs), then names given to other friend's men- Divo, Commish, Player (not to be confused with Playa), Rehab, 12, her Army. You get the picture. Set up shop in the middle of a crowded place and have a full discussion with your advisors, divas, and hot dates worry free. I like it.

Favorite Saying

In the endless chatter between myself and Diva Cousin, a new motto for the male drama we share spewed from my lips. Here goes it:

Man UP or Boy OFF!!

Must say, I'm kind of feeling it. Would love to say it to a particular guy. Notice there's no room  for a GUY. Either be a MAN or return to your juvenile adolescence to be clearly tagged BOY and marked off my list... please. Save me some time. Thank you, that's all for now.

boys... Guys..... MEN

Okay, this is how I see it. The male species can be found in one of three simple categories. Really, it's that easy peasy. I've met several- of each- during my few years of freedom. After mentally reviewing those I've met, I came to the realization I had never noticed such a difference before. Perhaps it's because I was "a girl" when I exited the dating scene. Now, smack dab in the middle of my 30's, it didn't take long to tag a male as either: a carefree boy, fun loving guy, or manly man. The only question a single woman needs to ask is this: what do you want from a guy?

Here we go:

boys-

Tried and true.... boys will be boys. It's not their looks but personality. You may find a boy at his momma's house on Sunday so she can launder and press his clothes while he is devouring a home-cooked meal and catching the game on TV with pops. If you're a girl, it's not that far off from your own experiences. If you're a woman, leave 'em alone. They have entirely too much growing to do and have much to learn about the world beyond momma's apron strings. They have nonspecific careers and don't hesitate to move from one meaningless job to the next. Expect momma to be the one ordering your flowers on Valentine's Day because he didn't wake up in time. This is not about age, but rather maturity. I've met enough "older boys" to learn it's best to walk before you catch yourself doing his dishes..

Guys-

Guys are fun. Period. They love hanging out. They can be found faithfully on Sunday afternoons shooting hoops, catching a game, in the garage with buddies salivating over their newest high speed machines, or the like. Hot guys tend to have great pickup lines, killer smiles, and it's game on when they are interested. Guys often have decent jobs, some even appear quite professional and that only adds to the attraction. Dates are spontaneous with this type. Here intuition is key. A guy isn't necessarily interested in calming down. Many guys have bachelor characteristics and don't always have deep roots planted for future growth. I married a guy. I divorced a guy. I dated the "how ya doin guy." I tend to be attracted to guys then surprisingly annoyed with the results. Guys can be energetic, edge-of-your seat exciting, and two minutes later- incredibly frustrating. They don't "grow up" past a certain point. These tend to "get by" in life and may do it rather well. But they don't seek more. Future stability is not their primary concern as they "live in the moment." Don't mess with a guy unless you've got your game face on.... and had a good night's sleep.

MEN-

Ahhh, the manly man. Strong, secure, they've got it together and are confident in their choices. Men tend to be in authority or admired careers. They know and actually contribute to their retirement. They own houses. They make people proud. You feel secure with a man. No game here, you know when they are serious. So what's the catch? Men don't always bring the excitement a woman needs from time to time. They are considerate and predictable and stable and strong. I'm not saying they are scrooges by any means, but you know when they close their eyes at night, they will be exactly the same in morning's light. They need women to poke the logs to keep the flames from smoldering out.

The way I see it, everything is a trade-off. Once I started dating, I had to ask a few questions and those in my position should too: Do you want to take care of someone? Do you want surprises and nothing too serious? Do you want excitement and thrill? Do you want the future planner? The strong type? To have comfort in security and stability? So here I sit, stuck between guys and men..... Each with pros and cons and with particularly attractive characteristics. I have yet to meet one with the perfect combo. Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's because I've been stuck in the "guy" department. Maybe I want the security of a man with the excitement of a guy. Maybe he's out there, maybe not. We'll see.