Round and Round

Late Entry. Blog post for April 17, 2010.

Soo, Playa... I am over his flipflop, dillydally attitude. But still, there's something  that annoyingly keeps him in my head. I drop kick him out, he comes back after a few months. While I no longer seriously entertain the idea, I can't figure out why I even listen. It's clear we will never give the other what they need. So why bother? He and I have talked about how we're never on the same page at the same time. So what is it?!? Randomly and when I least expect it, he's pops back. It's all cautious when he's not sure if I'm going to hear him out or rip his head off. Next is a phone call saying he was going to stop by but didn't know if my man would be here. I don't correct him to divulge that the only man in my life is 4 yrs old. The conversation ends after an hour by saying if I ever want to go riding (motorcycle) then give him a call. And there it is, he props the door open again. Those that know me also know that I'm almost infatuated with motorcycles and speed evoking adrenaline. But I'm just too tired to play this game. He likes the chase and I drive with a flat tire.

In text talk with my bff about Blue (after all she and my sister fully interrogated this man while I was in the loo), I mentioned that he was a history buff and seemed, well, possibly just a shade on the side of too safe. No, I don't want to say boring, he's incredibly funny so let's say mellow. Here's how the text convo proceeded:

Me (About him): His Interests are learning about our founding fathers and the Constitution. Fave quote is by Thomas Jefferson. Fave book is Liberty and Tyranny.... this guy may run for office some day... I'd hate to ruin that for him...

BFF: He's a history buff which is a much cheaper habit than gambling, drugs and various bizarre obsessions such as bobbleheads.

Me: Just sayin....

BFF: Whatever. The minute he didn't turn up on a bike with another woman on the back and a cig out of his mouth and the popo following him , u lost interest.

Me: Omg, I love you. I reallllly do. U may know me a bit too well.

BFF: I just described ur most recent fantasy, didn't I? Bet I was even there standing on the walk asking u not to go as u hopped on the back and rode away.

Me: Umm, well.... Huh. Maybe? U actually had hand on hip, shakin ur head and rollin ur eyes, lol.

BFF: Boy this all sounds really familiar.

Me: And then you tell me to shut the hell up as I whine that some bitch was callin him baby...

BFF: And ur surprised.... again.

She has the scenario pegged. I love it that she also coached me on what I can and can't say to Blue. The legitimate concern is that he may just hightail it if he knows too much too quickly. It's clear if I screw this one up (and I always do) I will have to answer to BFF. She thinks I'm nuts, she knows I need a stable, available MAN in my life. But why do I have that burning attraction for bad boys? Is it possible that I've lived in such chaos for so many years that I've confused stability for boring? Heartbreak for excitement? Thrill for happiness? I've always liked things a little on the wild.... but I'm tired of pumping air back in for one more lap. It's TIME to grow up... at least a little.